sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize