My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
