Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
