Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
