ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He better not be in your backpack
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize