I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
