I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
