I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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