ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
