he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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