Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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