Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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