He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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