1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
