Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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