hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize