question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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