tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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