What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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