I murdered the dance floor call the cops
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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