SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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