I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How external is "for external use only"?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
