That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
