Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
