I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
