Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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