You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
