FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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