You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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