Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
