Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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