She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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