I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize