I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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