we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
