i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
as a side note pls kill me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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