i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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