Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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