I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize