the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
