You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
