you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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