I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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