i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
