I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
