I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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