So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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