I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
