My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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