I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
