So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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