You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
