My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
