You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
