Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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