Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
