i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
