Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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