TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
