I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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