CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
