i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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