i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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