alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
