Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize