Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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