Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
