If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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