Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
