when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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