The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize