: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
